A recent study found that feeling useless is correlated with less successful aging.
Researchers in one study hypothesize that the more useless an older adult feels, the less successful their aging process would be over time.
Review research also suggests that greater self-expressed purpose is related to a range of better health and well-being outcomes for older adults. With few exceptions, the literature demonstrates that purpose declines with age.
In another study, only 30% of 50-92 year-olds reported feeling purposeful.
Research conclusions note that purposeful individuals are among the world’s most valuable assets in addressing social issues and making the world a better place.
They concluded that self-identity is key, with identity and purpose development being intertwined processes.
It seems that aging people may need help rekindling their sense of purpose.
So, how do we define ourselves?
Hubby and I were corporate execs working on projects at the forefront of new technology in the 1980s onwards, responsible for ensuring thousands of people got connected to the large new accounting systems being implemented in multinational organisations around the world. They were heady days.
In semi-retirement, we bought acreage and nursed land back to health, planting rainforest timbers indigenous to the area - teak, hoop pine, walnut, while still commuting to the city to do project work.
We grew organic veggies and 40 different fruit trees to feed our extended family and enjoyed many long leisurely family lunches at the long table on the verandah.
We even grew a global Amazon business selling Stainless Steel Insulated water bottles on the back of a strong environmental purpose to reduce single-use plastic water bottles.
Adulthood was so busy with purpose; a lifetime of meaningful purpose until slowly:
We weren't doing IT projects
The family moved away to take up exciting life opportunities
We sold our beautiful farm when the big table wasn't being used and moved to the beach so we could be free to travel.
We closed down our international business
And suddenly we looked at each other and life had become small and uninhabited.
COVID brought a new kind of emptiness. Yes, we did family zoom calls but the guest rooms at our beach house were empty; the long table deserted rather than desserted.
Feelings creep up. You're aware that something is not quite right but you can't put your finger on it. You are not depressed but you aren't bouncing off the walls. You don't see it coming. You feel unmotivated and lack direction. Self-confidence takes a dive. It feels like a ship without a rudder.
Adam Grant, in his Ted talk, How to Stop Languishing and Start Finding Flow, described the uninspired, aimless, kind of 'meh' feeling as languishing. That's it. That's exactly what I was feeling. When he used the term in an article for the New York Times, it immediately bounced around the internet. It resonated. It wasn't just me after all.
Now, when people asked me 'How are you?', I had a word for it. It was honest. It was languishing.
There's an expectation in our culture that by midlife, we have purpose sorted out. However, midlife also correlates with the most intense time of work and family which are potent sources of purpose. Once we fulfil them, the creeping void has to be filled by more self-directed purpose.
The Practice of Purpose and Re-purpose
No matter what age we are, we still have things we care about, and special talents we can apply to make a difference in our world and the world of others.
Purpose is a journey rather than a destination, a bit like a yoga practice where we frequently come back to the mat to reconnect. Purpose is cultivated through thoughtful reflection and deliberate action and is fluid, changing with time and circumstances.
We can find purpose in different areas of our life.
It can start small like setting an intention for the day ahead. It doesn't have to be complicated. Indeed, there may be times, when life is narrowed to today and living today fully, is the only purpose.
Purpose doesn't have to be a 'Save the world' kinda thing. It could just be an intention to put loveliness into the world, a smile, a thought for someone, a quick note or text to see how someone is, a thank-you, or a compliment. Making a difference is so simple.
It can be general or specific. I love to help people vs I need to get this one project completed. It can be internally or externally focussed. I want to learn to play this instrument vs I want to play music for an audience.
On the other hand, It can be challenging and lead to the most exhilarating feeling or sense of accomplishment.
Purpose is deliberate intention that feeds the soul. It produces joy and flow. It’s the opposite of passive entertainment.
5 ways to cultivate purpose
1. Who inspires me? Who do I want to be like? Who could I imagine myself to be?
We all know ordinary people, struck with life challenges, who have turned them into inspirational journeys.
I will always be inspired by my Super-Ager friend Beryl I wrote about here.
I have a friend who decided to imagine an identity (or 3) for himself - a happy, loving husband; a happy, loving puppy Dad and a happy, loving teacher. These identities guide him every day.
2. What activities find me losing track of time?
Are you a gardener who loses sense of time as you tend to and talk to your plants?
Do you sink into a good book, look up and wonder where the day went?
Painting, photography, writing, hiking, cycling or yoga can also help us to get into that flow state.
3. Who or What is important or meaningful to me?
Having a strong, close, and trusting relationship with someone you love requires compromise and sacrifice. We're willing to make that sacrifice and put in the work time and again because it is meaningful. It is worth it.
Working on an environmental project is meaningful because we want to leave a better world for our grandchildren.
4. How might I challenge myself? How can I be the best me, a better human being, a role model, and a beacon for others to follow?
This is my thing, even though my recent Peloton challenge tipped me over to injury when I first started riding. My challenge now is returning to full fitness and beyond.
I want to be one of those who consider growing old as optional. Check these role models out
5. Who can I help? How can I add value to my world?
From my immediate family to my organisation to my community, to humanity and the environment. The choice is unlimited.
While purpose might be about inspiring others, motivating people, creating something of value for someone else no matter how small, sharing useful things, and becoming a better human to the people you care about, it starts with self-reflection. Who am I? and more importantly who do I want to be?
My Journey...
I struggled with defining purpose. I read all the books and internet articles but couldn't put a purpose into words.
I am an introvert, a voracious reader who loves to ride my bike that doesn't go anywhere; who doesn't have or feel a need for dozens of friends or an active social life.
However, I am a passionate learner, and love to challenge myself.
I came to terms with a purpose to just be the best me I could be, a role model for others and a teacher or mentor to anyone who needed my help or advice.
It starts with me. What makes my heart sing before I help others ?
Here is the purpose I crafted.
To challenge myself physically, intellectually and creatively.
To inspire others to do challenging things.
To live long, strong, usefully and fulfilled.
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
– C.S. Lewis